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* * * SPOILER ALERT * * *
The country, and now many parts of the world, has been in a tizzy for a couple of weeks since the debut of the Netflix telenovela, The Polygamist on 12 June 2026. The show has ranked in the top 10 of multiple countries, reaching number 1 in South Africa and 15 other countries within its first week, inspiring a variety of raging debates on a variety of themes that came up.
The show stars, Sdumo Mtshali, who plays the character of Jonasi Gomora and wow, what a performance!
I watched the show the day after it premiered and I’ll be honest, as entertaining as it was, it was also incredibly challenging to go through the whole 22-episode binge. There was a point around episode 15, an hour shy of midnight when I had to call it a night and I genuinely contemplated not going back to finish the rest of it. It was just so triggering.
One character. So much collateral damage. So much to unpack and so many themes playing in all the relationships depicted.
I guess that is a very big compliment to the cast and crew, in that it felt so real and so wicked as the different shockers in each of the relationships unfolded. The adventures and scandals of Jonasi Gomora’s life as a man, a father, a husband, a brother, and the JSE’s most time-rich CEO to live were wild. We surely don’t have the same 24 hours as that man.
The concept of polygamy is one I am not well versed in, academically or anecdotally. I have never seen polygamy play out in real life outside of the reality TV show, Uthando Nes’thembu.
However, it’s interesting to me that some of the things I found bothersome about how Jonasi moved were not particularly unique to the ‘polygamist’ nature of the relationships. I don’t think the damage that this character caused is exclusive to polygamy. The singular motif that showed up in Jonasi’s character that rocked and shook all his relationships was disrespect.
Consistently, the man displayed a lack of respect for his children, for Joyce firstly and then every other woman thereafter, his brother, his shareholders, his legacy and his g*ddamn self! I honestly cannot name one character he respected throughout the whole series. That type of disrespect and damage is not unique to polygamy, we know it shows up in ‘monogamy’ and ‘ethical non-monogamy’ likewise…but I guess the scale of the damage is amplified when there are multiple women, wives and kids involved.
I don’t hold a strong opinion on polygamy for or against, to be honest. That might surprise you on the surface because I subscribe to monogamy through and through. I myself would not desire the polygamist or non-monogamist arrangement, however, polygamy as a practice, has a strong history in a lot of Southern African cultures and therefore I have respect for it as a way of life, even though it’s not something that I subscribe to personally. I think it has its people; people who grew up in the system, saw it in lived out in their families or communities, and so I have an arm’s length respect and acceptance of its existence.
It’s obvious to me that a lot of men love the idea of polygamy – they get to have multiple partners/wives and get to grow their families. Proponents of polygamy talk about having big families, their legacies, traditions, social status and societal and economic support in their clan. A lot of the people who are attracted to the concept of polygamy are attracted to the benefits of the practice (real or perceived) but I don’t think they understand or even care for the responsibilities that come with it.
Think about it: successful relationships require high level of responsibility, consistency and care, whether it involves one or several partners.
People who speak about wanting a big family and ‘big love’ but then acquire their partners in unethical or disrespectful ways are deeply disingenuous. How exactly does stepping out on your partner support the idea of a big, loving family? How does cheating and manipulation produce love, warmth and togetherness? How is cheating your way into polygamy going to grow a happy home?
I struggle to think that the polygamous relationships that have carried clans and nations of the past and present were arrangements or practices that were devoid of responsibility, respect and care. People say they seek to build and grow family and legacy but their actions leave a trail of disrespect, pain and trauma because they grossly underestimate the ‘how’ of it all.
Unpopular opinion – I actually think are a lot of women who could be convinced to consider polygamy, or that have otherwise grown up in a polygamous system or community and would be okay with being with a polygamous man if they genuinely believed they would be treated with respect and care.
Of course, many other variables matter, including budget, social standing, lifestyle, the dynamics between households etc, but if you think about the things that women tolerate with men in general, this is not nearly as wild as we might initially think it is.
And no, I’m not trying to be shady, I think that women are socialised to tolerate men’s behaviour far more than men are socialised to tolerate ours. Whether that should be happening is somewhat irrelevant for my hot take, because it is happening whether I like it or not. The problem, however, is that the same society that has socialised women to be more tolerant or more accepting, often teaches men very little about how to care for these women. Sooo somebody who might happily consider a polygamous relationship would probably be turned off by the arrangement because the people that pursue it, do so very carelessly, loosely and unethically. That undermines the concept of polygamy and probably does not reflect the love, respect and care that most people desire in their relationships.
Over and above the disrespect that Jonasi moves with in the various relationships that he builds (and breaks), it’s also clear that there really is no limit to this man’s sexual appetite, which is really wild because how are you running a JSE-listed company and somehow have so much time for so much sex????
The man has an insatiable lust and is wayyy too accessible.
As someone who has experienced a romantic relationship with someone who stepped out on me multiple times while I forgave over and over again, I experienced firsthand how it was to be with someone who just never had enough.
I was not enough.
His ex was not enough.
The side pieces were never enough.
The lust simply made him so accessible at so many possible turns.
And every instance of forgiveness that I had to brass-knuckle fight myself to offer just emboldened him for the next betrayal. For some people forgiveness is merely a stepping stone for the next and, usually, more daring transgression. So over and over and over again, Joyce, Essie, Matipa et al were feeding the insatiable cycle of their own betrayal.
One of the standards I consciously created for myself after that relationship is that I did not want to be partnered with somebody who is lustful. Most people do not want to have a lustful partner, even the lustful people themselves. My husband and I have had this chat a couple of times – I require my husband (and to a lesser extent, my male friends) to have female friends – another unpopular opinion
I want to be able to see that a man can enjoy the company of women, respect them and build genuine friendships with without every interaction carrying the possibility for or hope of sex. I like being in the company of men and being married to a man who sees women as people, first and foremost.
It amazes me that a lot of people are against this idea because they’ve just accepted that any interaction between men and women could potentially be an opportunity for one person to convert the other to a round of hot-heaving horizontal horseplay.
And no, there’s no “gotcha” opportunity here just because of my friend-to-lovers marriage; Mo was always incredibly clear about his feelings for me. Every speech at our wedding made it very clear that people believed him when he said he’d marry me long before we even started dating.
For me, a lustful person of any gender is problematic, full stop.
If you as a cishet woman are afraid for your partner to have female friends, I’d argue you should be afraid of every other women he interacts with regularly. If your cishet man can’t have female friends, surely he can’t have female coworkers, subordinates, industry peers or waitresses at the restaurants he most frequents without those interactions being a potential pipeline of infidelity.
If someone cannot fundamentally hold space for and respect a woman’s personhood then anyone with enough proximity, familiarity, and attractiveness could threaten your relationship, including your friends, family members or in the case of a particular debaucherous dad, your child’s best friend.
The scandals of a lustful partner are truly limitless.
And please avoid being obtuse, I completely understand that cheating is a lot more complex than just lust and disrespect, I don’t think I’ve cracked the code on identifying the type of man or woman who will cheat on their partner. There are a lot of potential indicators (not predictors per se) of people who are more likely to cheat: people who are novelty-seeking, who expect different rules to apply to them versus their partner (‘rules for thee, not for me’), people whose relationship with honesty depends on who’s listening, lustful people etc. Does all of that not sound like the Jonasi Gomora we all got to see??
There’s always a lot to unpack when it comes to why people do the things they do, but I would put good money to bet that no one wants to be partnered with someone who is easily accessible in a sexual or romantic or emotionally intimate way. And I’m happy to be corrected but I think that’s standard applies in monogamous and non-monogamous relationships alike, including polygamy.
Polygamy is not a license to cheat…even the homewreckers know that…right, Matipa?
Someone who is lustful, disrespectful and easily accessible is a disaster waiting to happen. That’s how you get the CEO of J&J being deliberately infected with HIV at the behest of their scorned first wife (a crime, by the way) by a stranger who merely knocked on his door in a sultry bodycon dress.
I remember Mo saying that it’s absurd and unrealistic that a man of his means and access would sleep with somebody in that situation because “how could he be accessible by just anyone?”
I countered this. As sad as it is to say, it’s not unthinkable that someone of the whorish persuasion, who thinks it’s their God-given right to have have have would sleep with a random. Perhaps the quickness of it all is dramatized but one man’s 4-hour great first date and hook-up is another man’s knock-knock and quickie.
The show is insane!
Truly mental but, again, so excellently depicted. There’s so much more to unpack from the 22-episode run. Mpume, Menzi and Sarah’s storylines truly grated my heart, Magesh’s stalled life and financed loyalty were outlandish, Joyce and Matipa’s relationship strangely grew on me, Lindani being a key player in that man’s comeuppance was so satisfying and the hilarity of twins named Ashley and Hayley Gomora…c’mon guys!
Bravo, brava to the cast, the crew and everyone with a hand in the making of the series. Even though I predicted it, that final scene with Jonasi Jr. and Lindani really pissed me off!!!! So yes, I hope there’s more traumatising drama ahead for the talented ensemble. Come on Netflix…do it for the plot!
Thank you for taking the time to read or listen to this blog in full – leave a comment with your thoughts.
