On respect, impact and wellbeing 

In my 3rd year of varsity, I was crazy about TED Talks and watched so many of them out of the thirst for knowledge, fascination on unfamiliar topics and sometimes even procrastination. Sean Stephenson’s talk on self-sabotage and self-advocacy (The Prison of Your Mind) made such a huge impact on me; so much so, I still have a quote from the Talk on my wall at home.

“Lesson number 1: Never believe a prediction that doesn’t empower you”. 

I really took this lesson on. In the thoughts I choose to entertain, in the feedback and comments I received from others, in the spaces I felt I did not belong in, in the spaces felt comfortable in but not inspired by…you get the point. I sometimes forget to stick to this lesson for my own good, but it really informs a lot of the interactions with people around me. 

I have made it somewhat of a mission to never have someone walk away from a conversation with me feeling disempowered. I take that very seriously because I’m very aware of the spaces we often find ourselves in and I really do not want to add myself onto the list of people that make other people feel terrible about themselves or small. I am by no means perfect at this, but I am almost always cautious about how I interact with people and impact their days. As an overthinker, I cringe so hard when I have foot-in-mouth moments where something I’ve said could have stripped someone of their enthusiasm or drive or just generally landed badly…especially because of the spaces we occupy.

I’ve mentioned these “spaces” quite a bit and here’s why. See, as someone who has navigated contrasting spaces for over 20 years (since being awarded my scholarship at the Deutsche Schule at 9 years old), I’ve made quite a lot of observations on varying interactions in social, academic and professional environments. Without making it too personal, I’ve sometimes felt a bit misplaced in a number of spaces (being an awkward ambivert doesn’t help) and because of this, I rate I have a good eye for spotting discomfort and/or disempowerment in other people too. It’s clear that people don’t always readily realize how much of an impact their words and actions have on others; sometimes the circumstances are understandable and present opportunities to learn/connect with others and other times they can be really frustrating, disrespectful and unacceptable.

I’ve seen and heard of young people entering into these spaces where they’re told to leave their emotions at the door but are being consistently frustrated or mistreated. Where you are in the hierarchy determines how many times you get thrown under the bus, your dreams/ambitions and your family’s way out of generational miseries will be reduced to ‘admin’, your time will not be respected, your priorities will be stress-tested, your mental health will be a talking point for group discussions but not for paid time off when you need it. People enter into spaces that are ‘built’ to reduce them and make them feel so much self-doubt that it can become palpable within these cultures. You see new graduates enter the workplace filled with so much enthusiasm and drive and leave as experienced professionals with their lights dimmed. 

It’s bad practice but it can become so much of the norm that it’s hard to not find yourself being a part of “the culture” where you also start to make fun of the over-zealous newbies and just wait until they see “the real world”. It’s the norm…right? That’s just life…right? That’s how the world works. 

But you don’t have to subscribe to this norm, as a matter of fact, I implore to reject this version of “the real world”.

If not for your own personal beliefs and values, do it for the understanding that it serves the people you interact with no good for you to be a part of a system that only recognizes its problems at the time tragedies or health scares. People will need you to be more compassionate. I’m not talking Kumbaya hand-holding around the boardroom or coddling your peers, I’m not even talking about making work besties; it really it doesn’t have to be anything fancier than respect and consideration. That’s the foundation. To treat people, firstly, with respect and, secondly, to be observant and considerate when interacting with them. We literally do not know half the things that are happening in people’s minds and hearts; so, let’s maybe spare them the belittlement / disrespect / trip under the bus as far as possible.

Like I said I had two moments today. The second one was a message from a colleague of mine from one of my favourite teams while I was in articles. I teared up a little and told her about why it was so affirming for me to get a message like that. A message about impression and impact. I really strive to lift people up when they speak to me, to make them feel seen and heard. Sometimes I do feel like I might be doing too much and other times I miss the mark miserably.

It is becoming more and more important for me to ensure that my impact on people’s lives is encouraging; I have no interest in adding to the turmoil and/ or pain of this world.

I know I didn’t know the man personally (if at all, outside the characters he portrayed), but something about Robin Williams’ death made me understand that no matter what ideas we have about people’s lives, we are not always aware of their wellbeing, what they experiencing in the spaces they enter and what impact that has on their feelings of self-worth and mental health. 

The call to action here is to indiscriminately add respect and consideration in your interactions with people. And if you want to go a step further, some compassion could make a world of the difference to someone, so sprinkle it generously!”