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When I was in Grade 11 and 12, I was flying high on academic achievement after becoming a more disciplined student and improving my marks across the board. The path to and reason for this improvement requires a lot of vulnerability on my side, this may be shared in a later blog post. For now, this bit of context will do:
When I was 13 (Grade 7) my mother lost the lease to the store she worked at and sub-leased. If you’re familiar with Joburg CBD and the Bree Taxi Rank, you would know Corner Bree and (previously) Sauer Street. My mother ran a shoe repair and general goods retail business there from 2000 to 2007. She also sub-leased the adjoining store to a lady operating a dry-cleaning business for years before KFC outbid her on the lease renewal. Losing the store not only changed the immediate financial situation for my mother, a divorced single mom of 3 and breadwinner, it also had ripple effects on our home dynamic. Home life became difficult and tense as my mom fell into deep misery and stress, being unable to consistently provide for herself and her family after years of independence. For me, it felt like a dark grey cloud had set itself over my family’s hopes.
Back to my school career:
I was quite gifted in the linguistics, my marks in German (as a second additional language) were the highest of the class, I was on my way to getting an A for my English and a B for Afrikaans in my finals and maintained good-to-great marks overall. Being in a small school environment, it was easy to know who was on what level academically and it could get quite competitive around test and exam season. I was aiming for 5 distinctions that seemed highly probable at the time.
In the run up to final exams, many conversations were held where we would take guesses on the outcomes of our Matric year; who would be the top student overall, who would top the class in Business Studies or History or English etc.
An off-hand comment was made, that I would not be the best but I’d probably be the “best black” – this comment was made by a peer, who is also black and doubled as a frenemy every now and again… I finished the year with 4 distinctions on my National Senior Certificate and earned myself spot on the Top 10.
In the decade since graduating high school, I’ve completed my under- and post-graduate degrees at Wits University, qualified as a CA and started working in demanding and sought after roles within the financial services industry.
Getting to where I am was no small feat for me; I’ve gotten the opportunity to lift the dark grey cloud with every attempt, every risk taken, and every triumph achieved. Every failure, though (and there were a few), felt like a replay of the “you’re not the best” jam – track 3 on the self-doubt album.
A hushed reminder of my mediocrity. I would temporarily lose sight of all the work I had put in and all the knowledge I had accrued and beat myself up for the outcome, based on the words spoken by someone who (respectfully) couldn’t hold a candle to me.
As an adult I can now reflect and accept that the comment was probably motivated by competitiveness, teenage hormones and, frankly, maybe jealousy; but at the time, it really felt sharp jab to my competence. Especially, given the fact that I was using being good at school as the building block for my self-esteem – we now know this as academic validation.
I do have to admit, though, objectively the comment “you’re not the best” was true. The best in my grade was the exceptional and ambitious Dimitra Hiestermann (now, Dr. Hiestermann). Matriculating with a full suite of distinctions and going on to do important work in the internal medicine field, she was truly the best! So, if I wasn’t her, why was I bothered so much?
The delivery…right? It had to be that. Laced in condescension and probably looking to provoke a reaction, I let that comment live rent-free in my head for years.
But there is always only one BEST in whatever category at a given point in time. So naturally, the world is filled with many many many “below- and above-average” people and those “at par”. This obviously has not stopped any of us from making real, life-changing differences in the lives of our families, our communities, and the world across. You are more likely than not to befriend, love, laugh with and work with people who wouldn’t be named best at anything, but their contributions remain significant to us. I am an advocate for trying, taking risks, being curious, failing forward and all the other good stuff people use in rousing speeches. It’s hard to think of resigning oneself to accepting being average but there are many of us in that boat, and we’re still driving progress across multiple industries and disciplines.
I have come across many bright young minds, shared experiences in rooms with my exceptional peers, shown up with the willingness and hunger to learn for years and learnt from talented, experienced professionals. Many of them have not bested anyone in any category that would warrant an award or recognition, and a few of them have. However, there was no shortage of
excellent displays of effort, progress and success.
Me being “best black” has not and will not stop me from putting my head down and getting serious at work to ensure that I that I continue to take care of myself and my family. Whether it is the monthly “black tax” payment or a new appliance to make my mother’s life a little easier or the occasional dinner outing or takeaway, it’s clear as day that I did not need to prove my competence to a “mean boy” to change our lives. The upward social mobility that I’ve experienced through my education in that competitive school environment continues to pay dividends.
I hope the next person to dares to tell another young black person how far they are from pole position realises that greatness is not always packaged in the readily recognised and celebrated qualities and achievements. There will be many of us average people who will win and change the course of their blood lines. And we will continue to bring so much value to our families, our communities and the world across.
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Jamie Durcharme wrote a stimulating and nuanced piece in TIME magazine in favour of reimagining success,“The Case for Mediocrity” – please have a read & maybe think differently too.
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Thank you for taking this time to read/ listen to this blog.
