{"id":952,"date":"2023-10-28T12:52:05","date_gmt":"2023-10-28T11:52:05","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/yoursilencewillnotsaveyou.com\/?p=952"},"modified":"2024-09-21T16:19:09","modified_gmt":"2024-09-21T15:19:09","slug":"the-respect-model-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/yoursilencewillnotsaveyou.com\/index.php\/2023\/10\/28\/the-respect-model-2\/","title":{"rendered":"The Respect Model"},"content":{"rendered":"\t\t<div data-elementor-type=\"wp-post\" data-elementor-id=\"952\" class=\"elementor elementor-952\" data-elementor-post-type=\"post\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-8acb5d5 e-con-full e-flex e-con e-parent\" data-id=\"8acb5d5\" data-element_type=\"container\" data-e-type=\"container\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-f87a147 elementor-widget__width-initial elementor-widget elementor-widget-wp-widget-media_audio\" data-id=\"f87a147\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"wp-widget-media_audio.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<audio class=\"wp-audio-shortcode\" id=\"audio-952-1\" preload=\"none\" style=\"width: 100%;\" controls=\"controls\"><source type=\"audio\/mpeg\" src=\"https:\/\/yoursilencewillnotsaveyou.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/11\/audio.mp3?_=1\" \/><source type=\"audio\/mpeg\" src=\"http:\/\/yoursilencewillnotsaveyou.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/11\/audio.mp3?_=1\" \/><a href=\"https:\/\/yoursilencewillnotsaveyou.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/11\/audio.mp3\">https:\/\/yoursilencewillnotsaveyou.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/11\/audio.mp3<\/a><\/audio>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-9ab69bf e-flex e-con-boxed e-con e-parent\" data-id=\"9ab69bf\" data-element_type=\"container\" data-e-type=\"container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"e-con-inner\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-10193cd elementor-widget elementor-widget-image\" data-id=\"10193cd\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"image.default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<img fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"300\" height=\"274\" src=\"https:\/\/yoursilencewillnotsaveyou.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/10\/Icon-300x274.png\" class=\"attachment-medium size-medium wp-image-1320\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"https:\/\/yoursilencewillnotsaveyou.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/10\/Icon-300x274.png 300w, https:\/\/yoursilencewillnotsaveyou.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/10\/Icon.png 690w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-e5003ff e-flex e-con-boxed e-con e-parent\" data-id=\"e5003ff\" data-element_type=\"container\" data-e-type=\"container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"e-con-inner\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-6ccb8f0 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"6ccb8f0\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p><span style=\"font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; text-align: var(--text-align); color: var(--ast-global-color-3); background-color: var(--ast-global-color-5);\">Every major human failing is preceded by one class or collective of people believing that they are better than or sufficiently different to another class or collective such that it justifies the abuse of, discrimination against, violence or hatred towards those people. The lack of understanding and\/or acceptance of people\u2019s <\/span><strong style=\"font-style: inherit; text-align: var(--text-align); color: var(--ast-global-color-3); background-color: var(--ast-global-color-5);\">absolute <\/strong><span style=\"font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; text-align: var(--text-align); color: var(--ast-global-color-3); background-color: var(--ast-global-color-5);\">value and personhood leads us to relative measures of people that, in turn, continues to pit us against one another and ruin our lives.<\/span><\/p><p>Growing up in a strict, black, Christian household in Soweto, an important rule I had to follow was respecting my elders. Whether it was an aunt, an uncle, a neighbour or my mother\u2019s church friend, I was expected to toe the line and be on my best behaviour to demonstrate respect. This demonstration usually relied on my compliance and fear of consequences more than anything else. In this regard, my upbringing was not unique. My siblings, cousins and friends all had the same message preached to them when growing up. \u201cRespect your elders\u201d. An \u201cincomplete\u201d greeting, not announcing your departure or talking back would be checked quickly by verbal reprimand or a bombastic side eye and labelled as disrespect.<\/p><p>\u00a0It was not exactly clear to me why this rule was important to be honest or what the expectations were for my behaviour with everyone else who would not be considered an elder, but I knew that deviating from it would mean trouble. With that, I present Problem Number 1: the obvious but unspoken categorisation of who I absolutely needed to respect and\u2026well, everyone else. While we\u2019re here, I might as well present Problem Number 2: teaching kids rules instead of values can often result in the sort of shallow compliance I saw a lot growing up. Kids who would be respectful and abiding in their parent\u2019s presence and turn chaotic once their parents turned their backs. And often, kids would also be respectful to elders and terrible or menacing to their peers.<\/p><p>Well, those kids grow up and become teenage and adult peers in schools, varsities, workplaces, social circles, and romantic partnerships. Having been taught limited rules and values and, a lot of times, not investing enough into their personal development in ways that would stretch their knowledge and wisdom, we find ourselves dealing with disrespectful individuals in all spheres of society. Whether or not these people were told it was only elders deserving of respect, it is clear that the current respect model lacks grounding and afterthought. Think about the number of times you\u2019ve had a foul experience with someone and thought, \u201cwho tf raised this person?\u201d or better yet, \u201cwhy is he\/she talking to me like that?\u201d. Point is, we have a problem!<\/p><p>I often say \u201cwords have meanings\u201d when people seek to apply liberal and incorrect interpretations to words in the pursuit of their arguments\u2026 (I promise I\u2019m fun at parties). So, let\u2019s Google the word respect:<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-bbef273 e-flex e-con-boxed e-con e-parent\" data-id=\"bbef273\" data-element_type=\"container\" data-e-type=\"container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"e-con-inner\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-f76f269 elementor-widget elementor-widget-image\" data-id=\"f76f269\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"image.default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<img decoding=\"async\" width=\"768\" height=\"720\" src=\"https:\/\/yoursilencewillnotsaveyou.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/10\/Respect-definition-1-768x720.png\" class=\"attachment-medium_large size-medium_large wp-image-1020\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"https:\/\/yoursilencewillnotsaveyou.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/10\/Respect-definition-1-768x720.png 768w, https:\/\/yoursilencewillnotsaveyou.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/10\/Respect-definition-1-300x281.png 300w, https:\/\/yoursilencewillnotsaveyou.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/10\/Respect-definition-1.png 874w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 768px) 100vw, 768px\" \/>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-5456ce5 e-flex e-con-boxed e-con e-parent\" data-id=\"5456ce5\" data-element_type=\"container\" data-e-type=\"container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"e-con-inner\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-f2a0738 elementor-widget elementor-widget-button\" data-id=\"f2a0738\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"button.default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<a class=\"elementor-button elementor-button-link elementor-size-sm\" href=\"\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<span class=\"elementor-button-content-wrapper\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<span class=\"elementor-button-icon\">\n\t\t\t\t<svg xmlns=\"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/2000\/svg\" viewBox=\"0 0 2048 2048\"><path d=\"M6.125 1088h1797.89l-402.976 403 89.994 90L2048 1024l-556.966-557-89.994 90 402.976 403H6.125v128z\"><\/path><\/svg>\t\t\t<\/span>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<span class=\"elementor-button-text\">Google definition (oxford dictionary)<\/span>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/span>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/a>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-063c326 e-flex e-con-boxed e-con e-parent\" data-id=\"063c326\" data-element_type=\"container\" data-e-type=\"container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"e-con-inner\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-877935b elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"877935b\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p>For me, the two definitions essentially make the point of this blog post and my Respect Model. Definition 2 speaks of due regard for others, it does not seek to categorize or give reason for who qualifies for respect, while Definition 1 does that. So, in this case, it is clear that \u201crespect your elders\u201d would fall into Definition 1 \u2013 we are taught to hold elders in high regard because they older, wiser or more important or more vulnerable than us. At the core of my argument, I do not think that this rule is wrong; I just believe it is limited. My Respect Model aligns more closely with Definition 2 and also solves Problem Number 2.<\/p>\n<p><b>I do not believe that respect needs to be earned or qualified for.<\/b> I believe that respect is a fundamental value that we all need to hold and apply to everyone that we meet. I believe everyone needs to be offered due regard, consideration, and courtesy in all initial interactions. I believe that kids (and people in general) should be taught to \u201chave respect\u201d for people including themselves.<\/p>\n<p>You may initially want to call this silly or airy-fairy when thinking of practically applying this value, but I want to point out the flaw in that thinking by probing <em>why<\/em> you think that. When you first meet or interact with someone, what would make you think that that person does not deserve respect? Common (unspoken) but obvious reasons why one would not afford another person respect at first instance include classism, racial bias, lack of regard on account of age, status, title or even just appearance. Through this lens, it becomes clear that the reasons for not having respect for people\u2019s personhood are the same reasons that have led to people justifying discrimination, hatred and even violence against other people in our current societies and centuries before. I put it to you that the respect you hold for your grandfather and aunt at home is the same respect you need to hold for your line manager and tea lady at work, your group members at school, your friends and children alike \u2013 as per Definition 2. Remembering that expanding your respect to people in general does not take away from those we\u2019ve been told to respect all along. This way we solve Problem Number 1.<\/p>\n<p>Definition 1, for me, would be taking it a step further as people\u2019s accolades and qualities elicit your admiration in addition to the basic due regard for their personhood.<\/p>\n<p>Before I lose you with this argument, I want to make it clear that just because I believe that everyone deserves respect at first instance, it doesn\u2019t mean I don\u2019t believe in losing respect for people or (rightfully) disrespecting them. I think that the starting point is respecting someone because that is a fundamental value for humankind; the maintenance of that respect will be up to that person. So, when you get to know someone and offer them courtesy upon interacting with them and they are courteous in return, their actions and behaviours show kindness and consideration for your and other people\u2019s feelings, your level of respect for them is maintained or even grows. The opposite would also be true, losing respect or gaining reasons to disrespect someone on account of them mistreating you or others, their selfishness or lack of consideration and bad conduct (such as lying or bullying) would make good reasons. Obviously, no one is perfect and \u2018well-behaved\u2019 100% of the time so one would use their discretion to measure the impact of someone\u2019s actions and behaviours on the level of respect for that person gets from you. You would typically measure these against your personal values and boundaries over a number of interactions but sometimes it can take one major infraction for you to lose respect for someone altogether.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-7fa355e e-flex e-con-boxed e-con e-parent\" data-id=\"7fa355e\" data-element_type=\"container\" data-e-type=\"container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"e-con-inner\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-aa0c4b1 elementor-widget elementor-widget-image\" data-id=\"aa0c4b1\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"image.default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<img decoding=\"async\" width=\"300\" height=\"254\" src=\"https:\/\/yoursilencewillnotsaveyou.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/10\/14183806-3d-respect-values-crossword-on-white-background-300x254.jpg\" class=\"attachment-medium size-medium wp-image-1356\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"https:\/\/yoursilencewillnotsaveyou.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/10\/14183806-3d-respect-values-crossword-on-white-background-300x254.jpg 300w, https:\/\/yoursilencewillnotsaveyou.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/10\/14183806-3d-respect-values-crossword-on-white-background-1024x869.jpg 1024w, https:\/\/yoursilencewillnotsaveyou.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/10\/14183806-3d-respect-values-crossword-on-white-background-768x651.jpg 768w, https:\/\/yoursilencewillnotsaveyou.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2023\/10\/14183806-3d-respect-values-crossword-on-white-background.jpg 1127w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-8075a00 e-flex e-con-boxed e-con e-parent\" data-id=\"8075a00\" data-element_type=\"container\" data-e-type=\"container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"e-con-inner\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-81cf12f elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"81cf12f\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p>Given the developments in communications technologies and social media, \u201cfirst instance meetings\u201d and interactions happen in all sorts of ways nowadays. You could have your first interaction with someone who you will never EVER meet in person, in a scenario that doesn\u2019t involve you personally and under challenging circumstances (think about many of your interactions on The App Formerly Known As Twitter\u2026\u201dTAFKAT\u201d would\u2019ve made such a bomb name). My proposal under a new Respect Model involves quite a lot of emotional regulation and self-esteem. \u00a0I will not (and honestly, cannot possibly) direct your on how to behave under all imaginable scenarios under the sun, so don\u2019t come at me with the what if\u2019s and what about\u2019s. If I can get one thing across to you here, it would be to plant the seed in your mind, that what you were taught about respect and how things have \u201calways been done\u201d is not working and will continue to drive us down the path of failure in our personal, professional, national and international lives.<\/p><p><b>Respect is something that you have for people, whether they keep it is up to them.<\/b> So instead of \u201crespect your elders (or any other specific category of people based on some or other learned qualifying criteria)\u201d, we should rather go forward with respecting people for their personhood, being considerate and thoughtful towards them\u2026until such time as they give us reasons to lose respect for them. And trust me, people will give you reasons to not respect them quickly &#8211; through questionable, threatening or generally uncouth behaviours. The \u201cbad apples\u201d can\u2019t help but make you lose respect for them sooner rather than later.<\/p><p>So, to the current kids and the grown kids alike \u2013 I leave you with this: respect people, the world will be better off that way.<\/p><p><span style=\"font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; text-align: var(--text-align); background-color: var(--ast-global-color-5); color: var(--ast-global-color-3);\">&#8212;&#8211;<\/span><\/p><p><i>Thank you for taking this time to read\/ listen to this blog<\/i>. \u00a0<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Every major human failing is preceded by one class or collective of people believing that they are better than or sufficiently different to another class or collective such that it justifies the abuse of, discrimination against, violence or hatred towards those people. The lack of understanding and\/or acceptance of people\u2019s absolute value and personhood leads [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_uf_show_specific_survey":0,"_uf_disable_surveys":false,"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","ast-disable-related-posts":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"set","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[15,12,13,14],"class_list":["post-952","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-blog","tag-learning-respect","tag-respect","tag-respect-your-elders","tag-values"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/yoursilencewillnotsaveyou.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/952","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/yoursilencewillnotsaveyou.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/yoursilencewillnotsaveyou.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/yoursilencewillnotsaveyou.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/yoursilencewillnotsaveyou.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=952"}],"version-history":[{"count":89,"href":"https:\/\/yoursilencewillnotsaveyou.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/952\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3172,"href":"https:\/\/yoursilencewillnotsaveyou.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/952\/revisions\/3172"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/yoursilencewillnotsaveyou.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=952"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/yoursilencewillnotsaveyou.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=952"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/yoursilencewillnotsaveyou.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=952"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}