{"id":3881,"date":"2024-11-18T20:07:54","date_gmt":"2024-11-18T20:07:54","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/yoursilencewillnotsaveyou.com\/?p=3881"},"modified":"2024-11-20T20:37:01","modified_gmt":"2024-11-20T20:37:01","slug":"the-safety-series-friendship","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/yoursilencewillnotsaveyou.com\/index.php\/2024\/11\/18\/the-safety-series-friendship\/","title":{"rendered":"The Safety Series: FRIENDSHIP"},"content":{"rendered":"\t\t<div data-elementor-type=\"wp-post\" data-elementor-id=\"3881\" class=\"elementor elementor-3881\" data-elementor-post-type=\"post\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-06c25a8 e-flex e-con-boxed e-con e-parent\" data-id=\"06c25a8\" data-element_type=\"container\" data-e-type=\"container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"e-con-inner\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-e058718 elementor-widget elementor-widget-wp-widget-media_audio\" data-id=\"e058718\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"wp-widget-media_audio.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<audio class=\"wp-audio-shortcode\" id=\"audio-3881-1\" preload=\"none\" style=\"width: 100%;\" controls=\"controls\"><source type=\"audio\/mpeg\" src=\"https:\/\/yoursilencewillnotsaveyou.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/11\/audio-7.mp3?_=1\" \/><source type=\"audio\/mpeg\" src=\"http:\/\/yoursilencewillnotsaveyou.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/11\/audio-7.mp3?_=1\" \/><a href=\"https:\/\/yoursilencewillnotsaveyou.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/11\/audio-7.mp3\">https:\/\/yoursilencewillnotsaveyou.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/11\/audio-7.mp3<\/a><\/audio>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-d5fcb5d e-flex e-con-boxed e-con e-parent\" data-id=\"d5fcb5d\" data-element_type=\"container\" data-e-type=\"container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"e-con-inner\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-ed865a9 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"ed865a9\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p>Friendships are incredibly important relationships. No one of us is an island, human beings are gregarious by nature, and community and connection are as important for our enjoyment of life as they are to our very survival. Science and psychology have discovered and proven that socialising and relationship-building have direct links to health outcomes and feelings of thriving in our lives. In Dr Corey Keyes\u2019 research and book \u201cLanguishing\u201d, social wellbeing accounts for 35% of the criteria he uses to determine whether one is <em>flourishing<\/em> (having or experiencing conditions that lead to good mental health; ie. improving psychological, relational and social functioning) or languishing (the polar opposite). So, the case for friendship is compelling\u2026but what happens when your friendships become a source of conflict or pain? What happens when you start catching subtle hints that things aren\u2019t vibing the way they used to?&#8230; that the connection just isn\u2019t the same? A common thread I picked up in a lot of the <a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=E4l3A8Szvhc\">TikTok stiches<\/a> was instances of subtle animosity and envy that ended up resulting in bad faith conduct and the eventual demise of these friendships. So, how did we get here?<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-af57d06 e-con-full e-flex e-con e-parent\" data-id=\"af57d06\" data-element_type=\"container\" data-e-type=\"container\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-32378b4 elementor-widget elementor-widget-image\" data-id=\"32378b4\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"image.default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<img fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"300\" height=\"295\" src=\"https:\/\/yoursilencewillnotsaveyou.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/10\/safe-1-300x295.png\" class=\"attachment-medium size-medium wp-image-3654\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"https:\/\/yoursilencewillnotsaveyou.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/10\/safe-1-300x295.png 300w, https:\/\/yoursilencewillnotsaveyou.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/10\/safe-1-768x756.png 768w, https:\/\/yoursilencewillnotsaveyou.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/10\/safe-1.png 786w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 300px) 100vw, 300px\" \/>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-852f458 e-flex e-con-boxed e-con e-parent\" data-id=\"852f458\" data-element_type=\"container\" data-e-type=\"container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"e-con-inner\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-a08d0be elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"a08d0be\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h4 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\">PERSONALITIES, ROLES &amp; TENSION<\/h4>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-76a0cf6 e-flex e-con-boxed e-con e-parent\" data-id=\"76a0cf6\" data-element_type=\"container\" data-e-type=\"container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"e-con-inner\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-eb4ccf2 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"eb4ccf2\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p>When we make friends and convene in friendship duos or groups, it\u2019s natural that certain personality traits shine in contrast to your mates\u2019; often our dominant traits can end up creating roles or identities within our circles. As someone with a loud voice and goofy personality, I\u2019ve often found myself as my friends\u2019 hype-man at parties, sometimes losing my voice because I just had to shout \u201cyebo\u201d one too many times when the beat dropped. In other circles, the more serious and principled parts of my personality shine through, and I seem more reserved and mature. A common thread in all dynamics, though, is that my organisation and punctuality are the lowest ranking traits, therefore, I\u2019m hardly ever in charge of planning the trips or events. Just call me up when you need a world of enthusiasm (well\u2026at least when I\u2019m not going through the most).<\/p><p>Similarly, it is easy for me to see which personality traits shine through most for my friends, so I can readily tell which one of my friends will give the best advice on a particular matter, who is good at planning events or trips, who will happily tag along no questions asked, who will help me get through the mental hurdles of self-doubt, who to refer to when buying gifts for others etc. Different people and personalities can get on like a house on fire on some days and then other times, the heat turns up a little too much and people get burned. Sometimes duos and groups can go through unintentional tensions when people wear their dominant personality traits as their key roles or identities within the dynamic.<\/p><p>A clear example I\u2019ve come across with people attributing personality strengths to roles came up in a previous friend group where friction arose between two super organised\/ pedantic, planner types who wanted to take charge of the planning our group trip. This started as a mini-irritation for one party and spiralled into incessant gossip, resentment and burn-book-type snickering behind people\u2019s backs.<\/p><p>To someone like me, who is unbothered with taking on responsibility and, by implication, receiving credit and praise for organising a trip or experience for the group, the entire tiff did not seem like it was beyond a conversation&#8230;and I said as much. I remember encouraging one party to just, \u201ctalk it out\u201d, because it didn\u2019t seem worth being upset with someone over something so small (to me) and not letting them know.<\/p><p>What I grossly underappreciated in that scenario was the psychological impacts of social hierarchy and one\u2019s perception of their ranking within a group or tribe. When a person has a (perceived or more formally established) role in a dynamic, they have an understanding of their contribution and value to the group and this, in turn, affects their behaviour, experiences and certain hormonal responses. Serotonin, one of the so-called \u201chappy hormones\u201d is responsible for variety of functions and behaviours, including:<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-f7f802b e-flex e-con-boxed e-con e-parent\" data-id=\"f7f802b\" data-element_type=\"container\" data-e-type=\"container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"e-con-inner\">\n\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-5eac76e e-con-full e-flex e-con e-child\" data-id=\"5eac76e\" data-element_type=\"container\" data-e-type=\"container\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-cf9031b elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"cf9031b\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<ul><li>the stress response,<\/li><li>fear,<\/li><li>memory<\/li><li>addiction, and<\/li><li>sleep<\/li><\/ul>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-53501ff e-con-full e-flex e-con e-child\" data-id=\"53501ff\" data-element_type=\"container\" data-e-type=\"container\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-60d56f8 elementor-widget elementor-widget-image\" data-id=\"60d56f8\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"image.default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<img decoding=\"async\" width=\"236\" height=\"179\" src=\"https:\/\/yoursilencewillnotsaveyou.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/11\/imgsrv.png\" class=\"attachment-large size-large wp-image-3936\" alt=\"\" \/>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-812ee54 e-flex e-con-boxed e-con e-parent\" data-id=\"812ee54\" data-element_type=\"container\" data-e-type=\"container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"e-con-inner\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-1f8abd2 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"1f8abd2\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p>and in anomalous circumstances where one\u2019s position may be threatened (either in fact or supposedly), serotonin levels can be affected, which can also impact one\u2019s perception of where they lie within the group\u2019s hierarchy.<\/p><p>If the perception of being lower-than-desired within the social hierarchy persists, this can result in chronic stress and anxiety which quite often appear as jealousy and competitiveness within a dynamic. While we are an advanced species, this response is linked to more primitive parts of our make-up and our need for survival within our allocated and chosen tribes. A lot can happen when you feel that your position is threatened\u2026in perception or fact.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-211003e e-flex e-con-boxed e-con e-parent\" data-id=\"211003e\" data-element_type=\"container\" data-e-type=\"container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"e-con-inner\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-8b4dc96 elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"8b4dc96\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h4 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\">YOUR SILENCE WILL NOT SAVE THE CONNECTION<\/h4>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-5633efc e-flex e-con-boxed e-con e-parent\" data-id=\"5633efc\" data-element_type=\"container\" data-e-type=\"container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"e-con-inner\">\n\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-f3711d3 e-con-full e-flex e-con e-child\" data-id=\"f3711d3\" data-element_type=\"container\" data-e-type=\"container\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-6fc7710 elementor-widget__width-initial elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"6fc7710\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p>My general approach to life has been in favour of having conversations instead of letting issues fester. I\u2019ve seen people become resentful and lose contact over things that could\u2019ve been resolved through uncomfortable, honest and vulnerable conversations.<\/p><p>I definitely don\u2019t think that playing at your dominant trait is a bad thing, and therefore, I don\u2019t view the occurrence of people with similar dominant personality traits clashing as a bad thing, I think that\u2019s natural. I rate the lack of flexibility and communication\u00a0<span style=\"text-align: var(--text-align); background-color: var(--ast-global-color-5); color: var(--ast-global-color-3); font-size: 1rem;\">towards conflict resolution is the bad thing.\u00a0<\/span><span style=\"text-align: var(--text-align); background-color: var(--ast-global-color-5); color: var(--ast-global-color-3); font-size: 1rem;\">\u00a0Ascribing a bit too much value to your identity\/ position\/ role in the duo or group such that it makes you a competitive towards people of similar traits is untenable.<\/span><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-8014a24 e-con-full e-flex e-con e-child\" data-id=\"8014a24\" data-element_type=\"container\" data-e-type=\"container\">\n\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-3c94429 e-con-full e-flex e-con e-child\" data-id=\"3c94429\" data-element_type=\"container\" data-e-type=\"container\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-7f5435a elementor-widget elementor-widget-image\" data-id=\"7f5435a\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"image.default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<img decoding=\"async\" width=\"404\" height=\"316\" src=\"https:\/\/yoursilencewillnotsaveyou.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/11\/0a0615194312925.Y3JvcCwyNzUzLDIxNTMsMCwyMTE.png\" class=\"attachment-large size-large wp-image-3940\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"https:\/\/yoursilencewillnotsaveyou.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/11\/0a0615194312925.Y3JvcCwyNzUzLDIxNTMsMCwyMTE.png 404w, https:\/\/yoursilencewillnotsaveyou.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/11\/0a0615194312925.Y3JvcCwyNzUzLDIxNTMsMCwyMTE-300x235.png 300w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 404px) 100vw, 404px\" \/>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-f5e6850 e-flex e-con-boxed e-con e-parent\" data-id=\"f5e6850\" data-element_type=\"container\" data-e-type=\"container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"e-con-inner\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-c61aaf4 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"c61aaf4\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p>One must have enough self-awareness, knowledge of your friends\u2019 personalities, emotional honesty and grace when manoeuvring in social interactions; however, even the strongest potion of those 4 elements (and more) will not make you immune to friction or conflict\u2026internally and interpersonally.<\/p>\n<p>In addition to clashing over intangibles such personality traits and perceptions of social ranking, jealousy can obviously also arise from observing differences in material possessions or lifestyle changes as we grow older and experience successes and failures.<\/p>\n<p>New car\u2026post! Just got the keys to the house\u2026post! Selfies of your friends at a lunch you weren\u2019t invited to\u2026click, click, click\u2026post! 3K followers&#8230;3K rose gold helium balloons! POST! Exotic bae-cation\u2026\u201d prepare to be sick of me\u201d!!! POST!<\/p>\n<p>We\u2019re living in the age of sharing life highlights and wins to \u201cour people\u201d, known and unknown\u2026 in a world where everyone looks like they are winning at life. A common thread in the TikTok compilation was themes of envy and jealousy that resulted in unnecessary comparisons and competitiveness.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-fd2fcef e-flex e-con-boxed e-con e-parent\" data-id=\"fd2fcef\" data-element_type=\"container\" data-e-type=\"container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"e-con-inner\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-57f813d elementor-widget elementor-widget-image\" data-id=\"57f813d\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"image.default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/yoursilencewillnotsaveyou.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/11\/Comparison.jpg\" title=\"Comparison\" alt=\"Comparison\" loading=\"lazy\" \/>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-c69b797 e-flex e-con-boxed e-con e-parent\" data-id=\"c69b797\" data-element_type=\"container\" data-e-type=\"container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"e-con-inner\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-e238dfe elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"e238dfe\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p>Given the online zeitgeist, every day you will see snippets of many phases of people\u2019s lives including their beautiful wins and (now, more than ever) their devastating losses. It\u2019s easy to see how moments of failure or setbacks in our lives can feel a lot more crushing against this backdrop. The consistent barrage of Instagram\u2019s highlight reels can lead to a brewing of jealousy towards strangers and certainly even towards the people in our lives.<\/p><p>Jealousy in and of itself is not a bad thing. I\u2019ve learnt through my emotional honesty work and therapy journey that one should avoid casting judgement of their feelings and categorising feelings as good or bad. Your feelings are what you are experiencing at any given moment; they are there to tell you something about your experience at that moment. But (a) you are not your emotions, (b) acting on the surface-level emotions can make you liable to some or other loss in the future if you\u2019re not careful and (c) denying or suppressing them doesn\u2019t magically make them disappear. So, there\u2019s work to do\u2026we call that \u201cemotional labour\u201d.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-f616d58 e-flex e-con-boxed e-con e-parent\" data-id=\"f616d58\" data-element_type=\"container\" data-e-type=\"container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"e-con-inner\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-63605a6 elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"63605a6\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h4 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\">YOUR SILENCE WILL NOT SAVE YOUR HEART<\/h4>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-e0e7293 e-flex e-con-boxed e-con e-parent\" data-id=\"e0e7293\" data-element_type=\"container\" data-e-type=\"container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"e-con-inner\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-f719e61 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"f719e61\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p>On a personal note, I\u2019ve sometimes struggled every now and again with envy while scrolling the on the Gram, so I want to make it clear that my writing this piece is in no way me assuming an \u201cI\u2019m-above-it\u201d or \u201cI\u2019m-better-than-that\u201d stance on the matter. It\u2019s more so in line with my commitment to continuously learn more about myself, my experience of the world and regulate my emotions while sharing candidly with you all. Again, nothing prescriptive here\u2026just planting seeds and imparting my wisdoms.<\/p><p>An interesting observation I made over 2 years ago when I first started thinking about this piece was how I don\u2019t really experience jealousy as it relates to my friends now. When I was younger, I definitely would but I\u2019d try my hardest to not let that impact how I treated them. I pray that was successful. Now that I\u2019m older, my experience is very different\u2026and I think I know why that is. See, I know a lot about my friends\u2019 lives \u2013 their family situations, their personal struggles, the lies they tell themselves, the hours they\u2019ve put into their degrees, the tears they\u2019ve cried, their black\/ family tax obligations\u2026a heck of a lot. So, when they win, when they achieve, when their posts come onto my screen, I have a relatively good idea of how much it took to get there, how deep the trenches were and (not just to make it about their struggles) how much they\u2019ve wanted these beautiful outcomes. I beam with pride because I know them as full human beings whose accomplishments have meanings far beyond the regular humble brag online.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-ae0ce95 e-flex e-con-boxed e-con e-parent\" data-id=\"ae0ce95\" data-element_type=\"container\" data-e-type=\"container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"e-con-inner\">\n\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-3fcdc31 e-con-full e-flex e-con e-child\" data-id=\"3fcdc31\" data-element_type=\"container\" data-e-type=\"container\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-0aa1a52 elementor-widget elementor-widget-image\" data-id=\"0aa1a52\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"image.default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"225\" height=\"225\" src=\"https:\/\/yoursilencewillnotsaveyou.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/11\/images-1.jpeg\" class=\"attachment-large size-large wp-image-3937\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"https:\/\/yoursilencewillnotsaveyou.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/11\/images-1.jpeg 225w, https:\/\/yoursilencewillnotsaveyou.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/11\/images-1-150x150.jpeg 150w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 225px) 100vw, 225px\" \/>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-bd47125 e-con-full e-flex e-con e-child\" data-id=\"bd47125\" data-element_type=\"container\" data-e-type=\"container\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-2a25576 elementor-widget__width-initial elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"2a25576\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p><span style=\"font-style: inherit; font-weight: inherit; text-align: var(--text-align); background-color: var(--ast-global-color-5); color: var(--ast-global-color-3);\">Now, with strangers\u2026. it\u2019s been a bit tricky. There, I have limited to no perspective outside of the highlight reel. So, little green-eyed monster tends to have its way with my mind and heart. Second to managing my procrastination habits, envy has been a consistent reason behind my Instagram detoxes. Sometimes I\u2019m off the app for months at a time just to manage my emotions and experience. Like I said, I personally don\u2019t believe that jealousy itself is a bad thing, it\u2019s not a moral indictment; it\u2019s just an emotion. How you deal with that emotion is more indicative of your character. When you let the monster drive the bus and you find yourself wishing for terrible things or loss for people or you start speaking negatively about them in their absence or in their comments\u2026see, that\u2019s not okay.<\/span><br><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-6093459 e-flex e-con-boxed e-con e-parent\" data-id=\"6093459\" data-element_type=\"container\" data-e-type=\"container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"e-con-inner\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-c39f3b0 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"c39f3b0\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p>In situations involving jealousy and friends or acquaintances, I would refrain from discussing these feelings with the subject of your issue. I know, I know\u2026that is contrary to what I just said. When it\u2019s actual personality clashes, yes, go for it! Jealousy though is a bit trickier to manage. In these cases, sensitivities are heightened, and if we are being honest, the conflict of jealousy is an internal and personal one, not interpersonal. So, the tools I\u2019ll refer to below are more so for your internal dialogue or maybe even journalling.<\/p><p>So, this is the playbook for communicating with yourself: \u00a0<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-bcdfbeb e-flex e-con-boxed e-con e-parent\" data-id=\"bcdfbeb\" data-element_type=\"container\" data-e-type=\"container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"e-con-inner\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-67d878f elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"67d878f\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h4 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\">UNDERSTANDING AND DECONSTRUCTING JEALOUSY, THEN CULTIVATING SAFETY<\/h4>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-3f002a8 e-flex e-con-boxed e-con e-parent\" data-id=\"3f002a8\" data-element_type=\"container\" data-e-type=\"container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"e-con-inner\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-f661226 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"f661226\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p>First thing\u2019s first, a reminder! No matter what the internet tells you, feeling jealous or envious does not make you a bad person. Jealousy is an emotion and, I promise you, you will not turn into a witch as soon as you admit that you\u2019re feeling a little jealous every now and again. It does not immediately turn you into a bad person or a bad friend or a bad neighbour to acknowledge the feeling and experience of jealousy. It is natural. It is information.<\/p><p>Now\u2026to the actual work. You will see that the common pattern with all these strategies is for you to turn inward, to have a look at yourself and understand that you are your own way <strong>through<\/strong> these feelings.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-379170c e-flex e-con-boxed e-con e-parent\" data-id=\"379170c\" data-element_type=\"container\" data-e-type=\"container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"e-con-inner\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-972ce2f elementor-widget elementor-widget-image\" data-id=\"972ce2f\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"image.default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"215\" height=\"300\" src=\"https:\/\/yoursilencewillnotsaveyou.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/11\/IMG_3419-215x300.jpg\" class=\"attachment-medium size-medium wp-image-3938\" alt=\"\" srcset=\"https:\/\/yoursilencewillnotsaveyou.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/11\/IMG_3419-215x300.jpg 215w, https:\/\/yoursilencewillnotsaveyou.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/11\/IMG_3419-733x1024.jpg 733w, https:\/\/yoursilencewillnotsaveyou.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/11\/IMG_3419-768x1073.jpg 768w, https:\/\/yoursilencewillnotsaveyou.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/11\/IMG_3419-1100x1536.jpg 1100w, https:\/\/yoursilencewillnotsaveyou.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/11\/IMG_3419-1466x2048.jpg 1466w, https:\/\/yoursilencewillnotsaveyou.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/11\/IMG_3419-scaled.jpg 1833w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 215px) 100vw, 215px\" \/>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-32a509e e-flex e-con-boxed e-con e-parent\" data-id=\"32a509e\" data-element_type=\"container\" data-e-type=\"container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"e-con-inner\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-0514e52 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"0514e52\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<ol><li><strong>Put some space between yourself and the person you\u2019re feeling that way towards as you work on your heart and mind.<\/strong><\/li><\/ol><ol start=\"2\"><li><strong>Acknowledge and actively practise emotional honesty<\/strong><\/li><\/ol><ul><li>Name your emotions, as plainly and as honestly as you can. A cheat code to this would be to assume the position of an objective observer of the feelings or experience. If another person told you about these feelings, would you call it jealousy or insecurity or feeling threatened or less preferred?? If yes, then that simply is what it is!<\/li><li>Like with all other emotions, jealousy comes and it goes. So don\u2019t judge it or yourself when you experience feelings of envy. Acknowledge it, hold space for it and its discomfort, feel it and start decoding its causes.<\/li><\/ul><ol start=\"3\"><li><strong>Get curious about why you are feeling that way<\/strong><\/li><\/ol><p>I think that seeking the answer to why you may be feeling a certain way is always an important starting point to understanding complex and conflicting feelings. The quality of the questions you ask yourself is important, a few examples are:<\/p><ul><li>Are you feeling jealous\/envious because the thing you\u2019ve observed someone having something that you desire?<\/li><li>Do you even want it or are you just seeing something you do not have and that feeling of lack is what\u2019s generating the discomfort and envy?<\/li><li>Is there any fear of losing your friend or your position in their life\/ a fear of being replaced?<\/li><li>Are you feeling like others are achieving in areas you have been working towards and you\u2019re just not coming right?<\/li><li>Do you feel like you are falling behind or stuck?<\/li><\/ul><p>Overall, the quality of questions you ask yourself will help you direct your quality of life\u2026but the catch is the answers also have to match the outcome you want. Don\u2019t cheat yourself here!<\/p><ol start=\"4\"><li><strong>Answer the questions with compassion and integrity <\/strong><\/li><\/ol><ul><li>Hold space for discomfort; I\u2019ve come to learn that continuously chasing comfort is somewhat equivalent to chasing growth away. You cannot avoid discomfort forever and grow deeply, emotionally, professionally, relationally or otherwise.<\/li><li>Do not run away from the real answers. Remember, the feelings themselves are neither good nor bad so be honest with yourself and don\u2019t judge yourself for it.<\/li><li>Journal \u2013 putting down pen to paper on your thoughts has emotional and cognitive benefits, including:<ul><li><strong>Increased Self-Awareness: <\/strong>By reflecting on your thoughts and feelings, you can gain a deeper understanding of yourself.<\/li><li><strong>Stress Relief:<\/strong> Writing about your feelings can reduce stress and anxiety. \u00a0<\/li><li><strong>Improved Mood:<\/strong> Journaling can help you process and manage negative emotions.<\/li><li><strong>Improved Problem-Solving:<\/strong> Writing about challenges can help you identify solutions.<\/li><\/ul><\/li><\/ul><p>In addition to the above, journaling has practical benefits. In place of spending time focusing other people\u2019s traits\/ personalities, dreams, achievements and possessions, you can give apply that effort into staying in your own race, at your pace and sowing your on seeds:<\/p><ul><li style=\"list-style-type: none;\"><ul><li><strong>Goal Setting and Tracking: <\/strong>Journaling can help you set and achieve goals.<\/li><li><strong>Gratitude Practice: <\/strong>Focusing on positive experiences can boost happiness.<\/li><li><strong>Habit Tracking: <\/strong>Journaling can help you develop and maintain positive habits.<\/li><\/ul><div>\u00a0<\/div><\/li><li style=\"list-style-type: none;\"><div>5. <b>Pray<\/b><\/div><\/li><\/ul>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-9b1c104 e-flex e-con-boxed e-con e-parent\" data-id=\"9b1c104\" data-element_type=\"container\" data-e-type=\"container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"e-con-inner\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-c0c491f elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"c0c491f\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p>As with many (if not all) things on this blog, I live this sh!t. I\u2019ve seen my heart and mind transform as I\u2019ve gotten to know myself deeper and deeper &#8211; the good, the bad and the sh!t you will never read about. And I think the more you learn about yourself on a deeper level, the more compassion you meet yourself with, the more you are able to apply it to your friends too. You most certainly won\u2019t be immune to feeling but you will trek towards better emotional regulation and (hopefully) heightened integrity. If you genuinely love and like your friends, I think you\u2019ll come out of the woods on this one. I\u2019m hoping that the outcome of these exercises is learning what I have come to learn\u2026<\/p><p>END<\/p><p>____<\/p><p><em>Thank you for taking this time to read\/ listen to the blog. Next up: World AIDS Day 2024 \u2013 Death of Journalism (D.O.J)!\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Friendships are incredibly important relationships. No one of us is an island, human beings are gregarious by nature, and community and connection are as important for our enjoyment of life as they are to our very survival. Science and psychology have discovered and proven that socialising and relationship-building have direct links to health outcomes and [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_uf_show_specific_survey":0,"_uf_disable_surveys":false,"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","ast-disable-related-posts":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"set","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3881","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-blog"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/yoursilencewillnotsaveyou.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3881","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/yoursilencewillnotsaveyou.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/yoursilencewillnotsaveyou.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/yoursilencewillnotsaveyou.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/yoursilencewillnotsaveyou.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3881"}],"version-history":[{"count":22,"href":"https:\/\/yoursilencewillnotsaveyou.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3881\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":3959,"href":"https:\/\/yoursilencewillnotsaveyou.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3881\/revisions\/3959"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/yoursilencewillnotsaveyou.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3881"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/yoursilencewillnotsaveyou.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3881"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/yoursilencewillnotsaveyou.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3881"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}