{"id":3125,"date":"2024-09-19T20:41:36","date_gmt":"2024-09-19T19:41:36","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/yoursilencewillnotsaveyou.com\/?p=3125"},"modified":"2024-09-21T08:10:28","modified_gmt":"2024-09-21T07:10:28","slug":"perspective-im-back","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/yoursilencewillnotsaveyou.com\/index.php\/2024\/09\/19\/perspective-im-back\/","title":{"rendered":"PERSPECTiVE"},"content":{"rendered":"\t\t<div data-elementor-type=\"wp-post\" data-elementor-id=\"3125\" class=\"elementor elementor-3125\" data-elementor-post-type=\"post\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-96ccd4a e-flex e-con-boxed e-con e-parent\" data-id=\"96ccd4a\" data-element_type=\"container\" data-e-type=\"container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"e-con-inner\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-8bb4e65 elementor-widget elementor-widget-wp-widget-media_audio\" data-id=\"8bb4e65\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"wp-widget-media_audio.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<audio class=\"wp-audio-shortcode\" id=\"audio-3125-1\" preload=\"none\" style=\"width: 100%;\" controls=\"controls\"><source type=\"audio\/mpeg\" src=\"https:\/\/yoursilencewillnotsaveyou.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/09\/audio-6.mp3?_=1\" \/><source type=\"audio\/mpeg\" src=\"http:\/\/yoursilencewillnotsaveyou.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/09\/audio-6.mp3?_=1\" \/><a href=\"https:\/\/yoursilencewillnotsaveyou.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/09\/audio-6.mp3\">https:\/\/yoursilencewillnotsaveyou.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/09\/audio-6.mp3<\/a><\/audio>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-91682bd e-flex e-con-boxed e-con e-parent\" data-id=\"91682bd\" data-element_type=\"container\" data-e-type=\"container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"e-con-inner\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-b3a2227 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"b3a2227\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p>Soooo\u2026 it\u2019s been a while\u2026244 days to be exact.<\/p><p>Welcome back to Your silence will not save you.<\/p><p>I\u2019m in two minds about how long and deep this \u201cI\u2019m back\u201d post should be. I recently told my therapist that the spirit of constantly needing to be understood and, therefore, constantly explaining myself has had me in a chokehold for much of my adult life. And because communication and authentic self-expression are generally very important skills and a practice for me, my emotions have sometimes cleverly cloaked and conflated this constant need to be understood with my wanting to be better and clearer communicator. However, my Observer-Self also knows that I don\u2019t need to explain myself, my thinking, my motivations etc in every situation or to everyone. So I very often have an internal conflict going on about how much to share and when to resign myself to silence.<\/p><p>I do think that it is important for me to say something about my absence before I start blogging again. It would be weird to disappear for over half a year and then just randomly start posting like nothing happened. So, here\u2019s the short of it:<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-497cfb8 e-con-full e-flex e-con e-parent\" data-id=\"497cfb8\" data-element_type=\"container\" data-e-type=\"container\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-65c8a40 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"65c8a40\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p>After kicking off the year with a world of enthusiasm and a plan for Q1, it felt like the weapons started prospering. I\u2019m not all too sure where things took a turn but very early into Q1 something felt\u2026off. I felt kind of displaced (for lack of a better word) in my own life, \u2026I just didn\u2019t feel like myself. This then led to more feelings of being awkward in my own experience, starting to get distant from others and what I can only describe as shrinking. I felt small and self-conscious and I didn\u2019t understand why that was happening. That was my Thinking\/Feeling-Self experience. My Observer-Self caught onto this quickly and then the overthinking started ramping up\u2026and what started off as a soft \u201cargghh\u2026it\u2019s just my brain lying to me, I\u2019m alright\u201d gradually calcified into \u201cI don\u2019t know what\u2019s wrong with me, so how do I even fix it?\u201d. And even how I got to that point felt very confusing; there was no big, upsetting argument that left me feeling sour or a big failure to point my finger to when I look back at the first few months of the year, so it was hard to describe what went wrong. The best I\u2019ve come up with to explain all this is that I faced a couple of small disappointments, that, when looked upon in isolation were manageable but when put all together became too heavy\u2026so more like a death by a thousand cuts situation.<\/p>\n<p>My most notable experience of this unshakable \u201csomething feels off\u201d feeling was around my 30<sup>th<\/sup> birthday; my birthday is always such a joyous and love-filled day and while I still had all that this time around, I also couldn\u2019t shake the underlying feelings of awkwardness that had started to settle in. I\u2019d be remiss to attribute that to anything other than my own feelings because my friends, family, Mo, my acquaintances and colleagues all made my celebrations really special. That\u2019s the power of community. It was beautiful. So that fact that I had all of that and there was still a part of me slipping into obscurity felt quite unsettling. And unfortunately, that feeling only grew stronger and stronger as the months progressed, leading to more withdrawal, more shrinking, less talking, less contact initiated\u2026just less of me.<\/p>\n<p>To make things even more awkward, objectively, looking at my life, things were going well. I\u2019m living in some of my answered prayers and my efforts in multiple aspects of life were paying off. What the hell was wrong with me, then?&nbsp;<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-5f809a6 e-con-full e-flex e-con e-parent\" data-id=\"5f809a6\" data-element_type=\"container\" data-e-type=\"container\">\n\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-a59774d e-con-full e-flex e-con e-child\" data-id=\"a59774d\" data-element_type=\"container\" data-e-type=\"container\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-77386f2 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"77386f2\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p>So, in addition to feeling lost and small, I started to feel ungrateful and self-critical. I\u2019ve gone through difficulty in my life, genuine life challenges and this wasn\u2019t that. So what was all this about???\u00a0<\/p><p>So\u2026 yeah, it\u2019s been a couple of hectic months\u2026.and I\u2019ve been toiling through difficult emotions and questions, I\u2019ve gone back to therapy and a more consistent workout regimen to keep my head above water, and most importantly, I\u2019m regaining compassion for myself.\u00a0\u00a0Regaining perspective.<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-9f5bd6c e-con-full e-flex e-con e-child\" data-id=\"9f5bd6c\" data-element_type=\"container\" data-e-type=\"container\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-f882b67 elementor-widget__width-initial elementor-widget elementor-widget-image\" data-id=\"f882b67\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"image.default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<img fetchpriority=\"high\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"273\" height=\"200\" src=\"https:\/\/yoursilencewillnotsaveyou.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/09\/IMG_0254.png\" class=\"attachment-medium size-medium wp-image-3183\" alt=\"\" \/>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-13e25b8 e-flex e-con-boxed e-con e-parent\" data-id=\"13e25b8\" data-element_type=\"container\" data-e-type=\"container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"e-con-inner\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-c771c12 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"c771c12\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p>I\u2019ve gotten to a point now where I\u2019m no longer resisting whatever this season of my life is trying to teach or show me. I\u2019m no longer catastrophising it either. I\u2019m just holding space for it\u2026discomfort and all. I\u2019m not all the way through, and I\u2019m not sure what that will look like. I\u2019m just co-operating with life the best way I can. And just like the thousand cuts that led me into those lows, getting out of that rut has been a gradual process. So my coming back to the blog isn\u2019t off the back of a big Come-to-Jesus moment or anything grand and final in terms of sorting things out, I\u2019ve just been taking it one day at a time. Keeping my head held high.<\/p><p>One discernible strategy I learned a year or two ago was assessing the quality of my life or living it according to the\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.health.harvard.edu\/mind-and-mood\/shield-your-brain-from-decline\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">SHIELD<\/a>\u00a0maxim as a bare minimum. Like any other typical millennial, I came across this idea on social media (IG in this case) but it was actually developed by neuroscientist Rudolph Tanzi, co-director of the McCance Center for Brain Health at Harvard-affiliated Massachusetts General Hospital:<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-b640a82 e-flex e-con-boxed e-con e-parent\" data-id=\"b640a82\" data-element_type=\"container\" data-e-type=\"container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"e-con-inner\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-ded0c11 elementor-widget elementor-widget-image\" data-id=\"ded0c11\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"image.default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<a href=\"https:\/\/www.health.harvard.edu\/mind-and-mood\/shield-your-brain-from-decline\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/yoursilencewillnotsaveyou.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/09\/Screenshot-2024-09-19-213713.png\" title=\"Screenshot 2024-09-19 213713\" alt=\"Screenshot 2024-09-19 213713\" loading=\"lazy\" \/>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/a>\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-6067c2b e-flex e-con-boxed e-con e-parent\" data-id=\"6067c2b\" data-element_type=\"container\" data-e-type=\"container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"e-con-inner\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-b6e3bd4 elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"b6e3bd4\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<p>Looking at these categories left me with a feeling of at least knowing which levers to pull to take care of myself on a foundational level. If all else fails and I still feel like I\u2019m diminishing, I can at least try at get enough sleep, talk to people that I love and care for, honour my therapy commitment, break a sweat at the gym, read something interesting and eat well.<\/p><p>So I\u2019d say I\u2019m getting there, staying buoyant. And I\u2019ve also regained sufficient energy and confidence to return to this space. Like I said earlier, the skill and practice of communication is very important to me. A big part of the last couple of months has been talking through the confusion and trying hard to describe these feelings with a few trusted people and just a few days when I started writing this piece it dawned on me\u2026I think the last couple months would\u2019ve been more hectic and isolating if I had resigned myself to silence and tried to \u201cfix this\u201d all by myself. Then it came back to me\u2026<\/p><p>\u2026<a href=\"https:\/\/yoursilencewillnotsaveyou.com\/\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">your sil<\/a>ence will not save you. \u00a0<\/p>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-5900c5b e-flex e-con-boxed e-con e-parent\" data-id=\"5900c5b\" data-element_type=\"container\" data-e-type=\"container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"e-con-inner\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-fbcc811 elementor-widget elementor-widget-heading\" data-id=\"fbcc811\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"heading.default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<h5 class=\"elementor-heading-title elementor-size-default\">I\u2019m so happy to be back here! Welcome back to the blog!<\/h5>\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Soooo\u2026 it\u2019s been a while\u2026244 days to be exact. Welcome back to Your silence will not save you. I\u2019m in two minds about how long and deep this \u201cI\u2019m back\u201d post should be. I recently told my therapist that the spirit of constantly needing to be understood and, therefore, constantly explaining myself has had me [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_uf_show_specific_survey":0,"_uf_disable_surveys":false,"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","ast-disable-related-posts":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"set","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3125","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-blog"],"aioseo_notices":[],"aioseo_head":"\n\t\t<!-- All in One SEO 4.9.10 - aioseo.com -->\n\t<meta name=\"description\" content=\"https:\/\/yoursilencewillnotsaveyou.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/09\/audio-6.mp3 Soooo\u2026 it\u2019s been a while\u2026244 days to be exact.Welcome back to Your silence will not save you.I\u2019m in two minds about how long and deep this \u201cI\u2019m back\u201d post should be. 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